


It Was Just Supposed To Be Stridercest I Swear

by Kymopoleia



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 11:56:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kymopoleia/pseuds/Kymopoleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the two authors, myself and tricksterstucker on tumblr, cause Dave Strider a lot of pain while dragging it out for much longer than it was supposed to be.<br/>We swear, it was just supposed to be porn.<br/>Never this.</p><p>-update: on fucking hiatus until me and her straighten our shit the fuck out-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was only the third week of school, but Dirk was completely and utterly done with his students. All those fuckers did was fuck around on their phones, ignore what he said, and chat. He rubbed his temples and stood before the group of adolescents. "Alright, if you don't want to be in this class, raise your fucking hand." Some girls with rude looks on their faces raised their hands, and a guy with side burns and a full beard- holy shit actually, how does he do that... He's like, sixteen. Compared to Dirk's 27, he can rock facial hair 1000% better than you- raise their hands. You offer them a clipboard, then look around all the rest of the little shits. "Any others want to?"

An annoyed sigh came from the back of the class. Can't some of these bitches learn that life couldn't be handed to them on a silver platter. Dave sat quietly, bored out of his mind as his classmates ignored the coach and played on their gadgets. He couldn't afford anything since he lived in the orphanage down by the apartment complex, and had no job. He looked once more around the gym and rolled his crimson red eyes, hidden as they were by thick blonde bangs.

Dirk also couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Alright then, get up. Yes, that means you too, Davis. Andrews, don't even think about faking it. I'm not an idiot."

Next to Dave, John leaned in close. "He's hot, but he seems like an asshole." He whispered, while snickering.

Dave grumbled as he stood up. "Wouldn't you hate your class if nobody listened to you? Anyway next time lets just go to Mr. Makara's class." Dave whispered back to his best friend.

John nodded eagerly, then went back to dicking around on his phone. "Ooh- Dave, look at this picture!"

Up at the front of the room, Dirk is about to blow a fuse. "Do none of you pricks listen to a fucking word I say?"

"We choose not to." Dave stated quietly as he looked at the John's bright screened, and unnecessarily large phone. He looked up at Dirk and on the inside freaked out a bit at the anger in his gym coach's expression through the thick anime shades -why does he even have those anyway? Isn't he too old for those?

"I think he heard me.." Dave whispered to John. "If I die, tell Mr. Vantas he'll never get laid." He added.

Dirk had heard the student's words. And they showed so much disrespect and honesty. His eyes raked over the students, and in the end he narrowed it down to one, a blonde in a baggy white tee and and shorts, with too-long bangs. He stared, then saw the kid's lips move. He noticed something about Vantas and laid, and figured it was something about Karkat, and how he wouldn't get laid. Because that was the only logical thought process.

John couldn't help but snicker. "I'll tell him, bro"

"Thanks man." Dave smirked and he bro-fisted john. He felt the taller blonde staring daggers at him. "Problem?" Dave asked as other students became quiet.

"Yes, you'd think one would have a problem with disrespectful little shits." It dawned on him that he probably shouldn't address a student as a 'little shit', but that thought went right out the window. What a little shit.

Dave held back a smirk. It was fun to get onto people's nerves, it cheered him up a little because it made him feel acknowledged for once instead of being ignored by all the others. "Well, maybe if you weren't such a douche people would listen to you more."

"Do you think I like being an asshole? If I had my way I'd be teaching a robotics class here. But no, apparently robotics isn't necessary for their budget, so I was given two options: no job, or teach gym to a bunch of kids who don't want to be here. I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here. It would be so much easier if you all just listened for once- I'm not asking much! Just stretch, walk around the gym a couple of times, maybe play basketball. I'm not asking you to fucking bend over backwards!"

"Damn. Robotics would've been way better than gym." Dave stated as he glanced over at John's phone for the time.

"I'm with you on this one. But for now, it would be nice if this wasn't as hard as you all are making it. Come on, atleast pretend to do this shit!" The last statement was directed at the entire class.

Everyone groaned as if it was the hardest thing to do and began to walk around the gym. "Why are you always on your phone anyway? It's not like it's the end of the world if you miss a tweet." Dave asked his friend as they went to the basketball hoops.

John rolled his eyes. "Because I have a girlfriend! Dave I told you this last week. It will be the end of the world if I miss a text from her!" He laughed, before offering a basketball to Dave.

"I still don't believe you." Dave stated as he took the ball from John and began to shoot hoops. "Is she into homos or something?" He asked, jokingly of course.

"No, she's into me. If she liked homos, she'd be ogling you." He replied, not as jokingly. No one took him and Rose seriously! Ugh.

"Whatever. At least you got someone. Dare you to stop texting till you get a basket." The blonde stated, completely irritated about John's phone and Rose addiction to John. He could barely stand it when the woman was around, always asking personal shit and getting all up in his business and sending him to foreign countries randomly.

John rolled his eyes and shoved the phone in his pocket, grabbing the ball back. He shoots it, and it rebounds. A low growl escapes him, and he tries again. Nothing.

"Welcome to the real word, Egbert. We've been expecting you." Dave couldn't help but chuckle as his friend failed at shooting hoops.

He shot another. And another. He heard Dave chuckling, then heard another from a bit farther off. He whips around and sees the teacher laughing. What. The. Hell.

"You better hurry and make a basket, your lady is waiting for a reply." Dave said as he watched the teacher from his peripheral vision. 'Who gave you permission to laugh?' He wondered about the coach and John finally made a basket. "Don't you look proud." Dave teased.

John whipped his phone out. He was still irritated with Mr. Strider, but could deal with it now that he had the support of his Rosie-wosie. Even though she hated that nickname.

Dirk was there the next day, staring at the group. Everyone who'd signed up except the bearded kid- he had to find his name, that was his favorite- had been pulled. He set the kids about their activities, then realized. The kid who'd initiated the argument the class before- Dave Lalonde- and his friend weren't there. He pushed the thought away though, staring at the group of talking and walking adolescents.

"Yeah, they should be in Makara's room." One of the girl said in a hushed tone. "Lucky butts! Why didn't we think of that?!" Another whisper yelled as they made their way around the gym. "I'm going to marry that man..." Another girl stated happily and everyone giggled.

"You know, if you were going to tell the class something, you didn't have to say it so loud." He said to the group sarcastically.

The teens blinked and some blushed in embarrassment. 

Meanwhile, Gamzee Makara had more than half of his student swooned by his musical talent, or that's what he thought was making the class quiet. But in actuality, his sweet personality, husky voice, and pretty looks did most of the work. With a small content smile on his lips, he played on his acoustic guitar, only to be interrupted by an angry Strider. 

"Damn, why you gotta be all up and red in the face like that?" He asked as Dave and John shrunk in their seats quietly.

"I'm not red in the face, I'm just swooning because of your hella rad voice. That ain't the point though. I'm here for..." He turns, then points at Dave and John. "Those two pricks."

"U-uh, we were just helping Mr. Makara out with moving heavy instruments." Dave stated.

"Oh, that totally explains why you're planted on your asses and blushing. The only heavy lifting you're doing is the explaining you'll have to do for why you thought it was a good idea to skip class."

The boys grumbled as they got up to leave the classroom, Gamzee waving them off with a huge grin on his face. Dave nudged John to do his "my dad will hate me forever" crying act as they walked behind Dirk, all they needed was for the teacher to tell them their punishment.

"Go on, tell me what was going through your heads. If you can wow me with your creativeness and lies, I might let you off. Might."

"Well, we can't really stand our classmates since they're such- Dude, what's wrong?" Dave asked as a few tears trickled down John's cheeks.

Dirk blinked. What?

John sniffled. "My dad's going to hate me.." 

"Dude, no he isn't." Dave said placing a hand on John's shoulder. 

"No! If I come home with a referral he'll hate me and probably disown me!" John sobbed. 

"Damn it Mr. Strider, see what you've done?!" Dave growled.

Dirk holds up his hands. "I- what's going on? I'm sorry? Your dad won't disown you...?" He is so fucking confused.

"No he will! I'm such a screw up and I can't do anything right!" John sobbed harder. "And now I've even gotten Dave into this and now no ones going to want to adopt him because now they'll think he's a bad kid and it's all my fault!" John took off his glasses and wiped his tears that only reappeared and rolled down his face.

Everyone is looking at Dirk like he's a monster, and he's really just confused as all hell. "Um- Um everything will work out!?"

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.." John repeated over and over as Dave held the other close as John ran out of things to sob over and slowly reduced his crying to small sniffles.

Dirk is very confused. "I-it's okay?"

"No.. My dad will h-hate me forever," He sniffles. "If I come home with a referral..." John choked out as Dave rubbed the other's back.

"Fine, um, this will be a w-warning? Okay?" He said, still confused and awkward.

John sniffled and nodded. "O-okay.." He said as he and Dave were taken to another room, leaving Dirk by himself. 

"Shit, motherfucker. Didn't have to make the little dude cry like that." Gamzee said ad he peeked his head around the corner.

"I don't know what the hell I did!" He said, looking at Gamzee with this helpless look on his face.

'They so played him. I'm kinda proud of the little motherfuckers..' Gamzee thought as he sighed. "Nobody does. Those little dudes get out of more fucking trouble than anyone that way." He stated, walking closer to Dirk and patting his back.

Dirk stared "That was... An act?"

"Yeah man, only most of the shit they said was true. That's the sad part." Gamzee sighed sadly. "John's dad used to really crack down on him before his mom passed away. Dave lives at the orphanage, never really knew his parents." He looked at Dirk's expression and shrugged. "People open up to me."

Dirk swallowed heavily. So it would be on him if he did anything bad. And also the two kids had tragic stories. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"You're panicking." Gamzee stated with a blank stare at the other. 

"Motherfucker, what're you thinking?" The look Dirk gave him had prompted him to ask.

"um" Is all Dirk manages, as he nearly begins hyperventilating. He fucked up. Holy shit.

"Calm your fucking ass, Strider. Calm down and motherfucking think." Gamzee instructed as they went to his now empty classroom.

"But they're like" he starts babbling incoherently and quietly about mothers and fathers and not having them.

"Strider, we can't control who lives or dives into the afterlife. Those little dudes aren't as hard to cheer up as you think. Shit man, just chill the fuck out and do something if it bothers you motherfucking much."

"What orphanage is Lalonde at?" Dirk asks, not making eye contact.

"The one by the old apartment complex a few blocks from the school. Why?" Gamzee raised a brow in question, though he pretty much knew the answer.

"No reason... Have a nice day man." The bell rang, and Dirk went to go to his office and think things through over during his free period.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days had passed and Dave sat alone, drawing comics. He looked out the window of his assigned room in the orphanage and sighed as he rearranged his bangs to cover his eyes again.

A woman opens the door, lips pursed. "Mr. Lalonde?"

Dave looked over at her. "Ma'am?" He responded.

"Gather your things dear."

Dave's mouth opened slightly in shock. "You mean..?"

She nodded, a small smile gracing her features. He'd been there so long...

Dave nodded eagerly and quickly packed his belongings. It wasn't much to begin with, his school bag and a small suitcase. He followed the woman to the front room to see who had adopted him.

Dirk smiled and waved, wearing casual attire rather than his normal shit.

"M-mr. Strider?" Dave asked in shock as his looked up at the taller blonde.

"Hey Lal- Dave. How are you?"

Dave was silent from a moment before a small smile came across his lips. "Better." He answered simply as he walked over closer to the other. "I'm much better now."

Dirk wanted to cry, that was so adorable and Dave was just so happy. So. Fucking. Happy. "You want a hug, little man?"

Dave didn't hesitate at all, he dropped his luggage and hugged Dirk tightly, his head only reaching the other's mid-chest.

Dirk hugged back, hand coming up to ruffle Dave's hair. A tear slipped down, then two. Then three.

Dave's much smaller frame shook and a small sniffle was heard from the young blonde.

-

Later that day when Dave stepped foot into his new home he was taken back by the sight. So many damn puppets. With.. Plush rumps?

Dirk rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Sorry I didn't clean up..."

"I-it's fine.. There's just.. So many.." Dave said growing slightly more and more uncomfortable with the puppets. 'Oh god please don't let me be afraid of puppets..'

"If they freak you out I can hide them" He immediately offered.

"Th-they don't freak me out!" Dave exclaimed as they walked through the house. "So where would I be staying?" He asked trying to change the subject.

"Just in the room across from mine, it's about the same size." He smiles as he opens the door to aforementioned room. It's spacious, with a set of drawers and a large bed and a closet and a desk. "Soon we can get you more stuff, but for now is this okay?"

"Yes. This if fine, it's actually more than I expected." Dave said as he entered the room cautiously yet eagerly. He sat his bags next to the closet. He was about to move his bangs out of his face but then just brushed them into place, not wanting the other to see his eyes. "It's nice in here, I like it." He said, also glad that there were no puppets in the room.

Dirk leaned against the doorframe. "I'm glad. Why don't you get comfy, I'll bring you some bed sheets and blankets that you can use until you pick out some of your own, and then I have a project I'm working on, if you need me I'll be right across the hall."

"Okay." Dave responded as Dirk left the room and the door closed. He brushed his bangs out of his face and rubbed his eyes. 'Damn hair...' He walked over to the mattress and flopped down onto it. "Soft..." He muttered quietly before he fell asleep on the comfy mattress instantly.

When Dirk stepped back in, he simply spread the blanket over Dave, then left, smiling like an idiot before going to work on the project.

-

Dave didn't wake up till the middle of the night, a nightmare waking him as a storm raged outside. He got up, brushing his hair over his eyes, and went to Dirk's door. He knocked on the door hesitantly and jumped when a loud roar of thunder passed by, causing his whole body to tense up.

Dirk threw a blanket over the project and opened the door. "Yeah?" his voice is slurred a bit with tiredness from staying up too late, but he wants to know if anything is wrong.

"I-I.. Had a...n..nightmare.." Dave said almost inaudibly, completely scared from the dream.

Dirk opened his arms. "Want to sleep in here with me? I won't do anything."

Dave nodded and ran into the other's arms, feeling much safer in Dirk's embrace.

Dirk kissed the top of his head as he reached over to turn off the light, then helped Dave over to the bed. He crawled in, and swaddled them in blankets. "Better?"

Dave nodded and flinched when thunder roared. He buried his face into Dirk's chest, the smell of the others sent becoming noticeable.

Dirk ran his fingers through Dave's hair, not saying anything to him. It was, apparently, not better.

Dave's dream ran through his head over and over. It was more than a dream, it was a memory, a memory of how his parents died. He stayed quiet, the unfamiliar surroundings only making him more tense.

"If you want to talk to me, you can, but I promise I won't make you." Dirk said, sincerely.

Dave hesitated for a long moment before he spoke. "The night that... My parents died was kind of like this.. Lightning struck a tree in the front yard and it caught on fire... And ...landed...on the house.."

Dirk winced. "I'm sorry about that. I understand why night's like these aren't good for you... How old were you?"

"Six.." The younger blonde said quietly.

Dirk kissed the top of Dave's head. "Do you want to know a secret?"

Dave looked up at the other. "A secret?"

He nodded. "You want to hear it?"

"S-sure." Dave said as the rain began to lighten up a bit.

"My parents are dead too. I mean, I don't completely understand your pain, because my father was... He wasn't good." he looked up at the ceiling. "He did a lot of shit. To me, to my mom. But I just wanted to let you know, I do get it. And you can talk to me, tell me about them. I'll talk about my parents too, if you want."

Dave let a small smile come across his lips as he reached a little bit to grab one of Dirk's hands, intertwining their fingers together. "It's okay. We can talk about it another day when it's not three in the morning and we're rested." He said softly as he rested his head on the others chest, listening to the larger male's heartbeat. "Thank you.."

"You're welcome, and yeah, sleep sounds good... Looking at tiny pieces of metal for hours is exhausting." he snuggled into Dave and hummed.

Dave sighed happily and drifted of to pleasant dreams in the others arms.

It took Dirk a bit longer, but he did make it.


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile at the Edgbert household, John refused to sleep so that he could get to the final boss on his game. He was about to beat it when his father walked in, causing John to lose his concentration and game. "Damn it.." He cursed as he turned to look at his dad. "What're you doing up so late?" He asked, hoping that it wasn't one of those let's-talk-about-mom's-death conversations. John really hated that his dad thought that he was completely broken by the incident.

Dad sat down. "I heard something interesting today." he said simply.

"Interesting?" John asked. 'Please don't let it be the school. Please don't let it be the school. Please don't let it be the school..' He begged silently.

"Dave was adopted today."

"Really?!" John asked both excited and relieved. "By whom?"

"They didn't say, but the fine young gentleman said the adopter works at the school."

"The school? That's just weird. But as long as Dave is happy it should be fine." John stretched and flopped onto the floor, admiring his posters. Wait, is that marker? No, it must be the lighting. The only light on in the bedroom was the tv, not that John minded. "So.. What else is new?" He asked trying to be nice to his dad.

"Well, I got promoted at my job." He offered, looking at the scribbles on the wall. It was terrifying. So many terrible, hateful things...

John smiled. "Congrats!" There was silence for a moment. "Something wrong?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing son, just... You know you can talk to me, right? I'm proud of you."

John blinked. "Okay..?" What would he want to talk about? He felt just fine... Though his heart did feel heavy.

Dad smiled. It was sad though... Ever since Jane's death, John had been writing things on his wall. Rude things. But he never mentioned them, or even seemed to recognize them. "How was your day?"

"Pretty good, except gym. I suck at sports, even the coach laughed." John stretched lazily for his Pepsi, which was probably warm by now, as though nothing else was wrong.

He frowned. "Do you want me to speak to the school?"

"Ah.. No, it's fine." John didn't want any of the school officials talking to his dad about how he gets out of trouble. He could just barely reach his soda, his fingers grazing across the can.

Dad nodded. "Do you need anything at all?"

"Longer arms." John laughed before he accidentally knocked over the beverage. "And maybe a towel....."

Dad smiled. "Alright, I'll go get you that." He said leaving the room and coming back with a towel a few moments later. "Would you like to watch a movie with me later?"

"Hmmm, what kind of movie?" John asked as he sat up and scooted towards the spill and picked up the can.

"Your choice?" he offered.

"Con air?" John suggested as his dad handed him the towel and began to clean up the spill.

Dad absolutely hated that movie. But the look on Johns face... The memories of how much he enjoyed it... "I'd love to."

"Awesome!" John cheered excitedly as he stood up with the soaked towel and dropped it into his full laundry basket by his door.

Dad smiled. "I'll start it, and make the popcorn, alright?"

"Okay!" John exclaimed happily, a huge grin on his face.

Dad went downstairs and did as he'd said he would.

John waited for his father and started to watch the movie when the other sat down. About halfway through the movie John fell asleep, but considering he hadn't slept in a few days it wasn't very surprising. Small tears escaped his eyes as he slept, a serene air about him.

Dad placed a blanket on his son and wiped the tears away, making it to his own room before bursting into tears of his own. It was just so hard without her... And John rarely did anything at home... Nothing worked right anymore. He grabbed the bottle of wine- same kind as his wedding bottle, all the way back then- and poured himself a glass. He downed it, sobbing silently.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days had passed and John and Dave were having a sleepover. They were chilling in John's room as Dirk and Dad chatted in the kitchen. 

"Dude, this game has to have cheats. You're just not searching at the right sites." Dave stated as they sat at John's computer, the blonde had grown used to the scribbles on the walls, though there seemed to be more.   
"Your lady is requesting your lovings." Dave teased as heard the other's phone buzz.

John grinned, then checked them. It suddenly dawned on him- he still didn't know who had adopted Dave. Dave had just walked upstairs. And avoided the topic all week. And not flirted with the teachers, which even surprised them. "Who adopted you?" John asked wanting to know who this magical being was.

"He's talking to your dad." Dave stated quickly. It was a little embarrassing having the school coach adopt you, so he might as well just let John find out on his own.

John sighed and paused the game, going to peer over the stairs and- What. The. Fuck.

Dave raised a brow, not that anyone could see them moved his bangs to the side. "What?"

"Dave." John hissed.

"What??" Dave asked confused.

"You didn't fucking tell me about this!" he said, voice still low.

"About Dirk?" Dave asked. This was the first time that he had actually seen John angry in a while.

"Now you two are on first name basis?" John turned around. "I thought we were friends- what the hell!"

"Would you go around telling everyone that the gym coach adopted you?" Dave sighed. "We ARE friends, it's just a little embarrassing that Dirk adopted me. But you're the first person to know, so could you keep it a secret? Just between us?"

"I would've kept it a secret in the first place!" John groaned, loud enough that downstairs Dirk glanced up. "I'm just pissed because I thought you and I told each other everything! Especially big stuff like this!"

"Dude, chill. I wanted to tell you face to face when we were in private. I'm sorry, just, calm down." Dave said, trying his best to keep his cool as he closed the door. "Dude, I'll make it up to you. Name anything you want me to do right now, and I'll do it. Anything."

Before John could say anything, Dirk decided to speak up. "Hey, something going on up there?" he didn't catch much of the conversation, but he'd heard John's tone, and seen Dave's expression. It was enough to worry him.

"We're fine! Don't worry!" Dave said as he fixed his bangs out of habit.

John blinked at the bangs thing. "You know you don't have to cover your eyes here Dave, me and my dad both know." This peaked Dirk's attention, and he raised an eyebrow over the top of his shades.

"I-I know but...Dirk doesn't." Dave stated as he played with his bangs, kind of glad that Dirk was a derp when if came to noticing physical features.

"So you live with him and are on first name basis with him, but you haven't entrusted that particular piece of information to him?" John is confused- he understands why one wouldn't want the school to know, but your guardian?

"Well. Remember that girl that I dated at the beginning of the school year? We got super close then she just dumped me out of the blue because of my eyes? She called me a demon and kept saying I was evil then switched schools.." Dave sat on John's bed. "I've only been there a few days and shit already happened and I just don't..... I don't wanna fuck it up." He said quietly near the end.

John hugged him. "I remember, but still man... He needs to know. If he does flip his shit, you can stay here, okay?" 

"Thanks man." Dave said pulling his bangs from his face to reveal his big crimson eyes.

John gets a sudden idea, and grabs his hand, dragging him back into his room. "Man I have an idea for how you can pay me back!"

"The happiness in your voice is unnerving.." Dave said as the door slammed behind them.

"I'm going to ignore that," John said as he went into his closet, digging for the box. "It will have two parts, okay?"

"Uh, okay? What is it?" Dave asked raising a brow.

"Ok so you know how me and rose are dating? Well she wants to um..." he coughs and looks at Dave. "You know. Anyways, I need practice so she won't dump me. And also I- aha! Here it is!" he brandishes a large brown box. "This has some of my mom's stuff in it, and you two are the same size. The other part is that I want you to wear..." he rifles through the box before pulling out a cotton candy colored frilly dress. "This. And the heels and accessories. And I think it would be great on your nerves to wear this when you show Dirk!"

Dave thought about it for a moment. "I don't have to wear make-up do I?" He asked.

"Only if you want to." John grins. He's going to do it!, probably.

Dave groaned. "I'll wear it for the irony." He sighed, holding his hand out for the dress.

John set the dress down and hugged him. "Thank you!" he started pulling Dave's shirt off, then went to his pants to get rid of them too.

"Whoa! Dude. I know how clothes work. I'll put it on, just look away for a moment." Dave said pushing the other off. He had John face the closet as he took his pants off and, with a little struggle, successfully put the dress on, somehow without ripping it. He looked into the mirror and blinked. "Dude, this is weird." Dave said.

John turned around. "Here put on this headband, right now!"

"Fine. And wipe that damn smirk off your face!" Dave put the headband on.

John shook his head. "No. Dude..."

"What?" Dave asked as he put on the heals. 'I've never been so thankful to have worn John's mom's heels when I was little..'

"You look just like Rose..." He switched how he was standing because he was very close to popping a boner.

Dave rolled his eyes then looked over at John. "You want me to show Dirk first or help you with your lady problem?" He asked not wanting to notice how feminine his body actually was.

"Dirk. I..." John laughs nervously. "Just go on down, okay?"

"Gay." Dave stated before walking to the door. He casually walked down the stars, into the kitchen where Dirk and John'd dad was, went to the fridge to grab AJ, closed the fridge and looked Dirk straight in the eye, curtsied, then casually walked out. 

"I think they're questioning my sexuality now.." Dave said as he closed the door to John's room, opened the AJ and chugged it. Ah yes, the sweet taste of AJ. He placed the bottle down. 

Downstairs, Dirk is confused. Before he'd seen the red eyes, he could've sworn his daughter Rose was here, but then- it had to be Dave- looked him in the eye. "Did that just happen?" He asked Mr. Egbert. 

"Dave must've pissed John off again." Dad said as he picked up his dropped pipe. 

Dirk shrugged. "My only question is whose dress. It probably wasn't Dave's so..."

"Do you think we should check to see what they're up to?" Dad asked after explaining about the dress. He chuckled. "It would be fun, let's wait a minute though- if they're doing anything, it'll take a bit for them to get to that part."


	5. Chapter 5

John grabbed Dave by his hips and pulled him forwards."If you looked less like Rose, I'd be questioning MY sexuality." His voice was kind of husky and kind of sexy.

"I feel bad for Rose." Dave said placing his hand on John's chest and gently pushed the other off. John rolled his eyes. "It's practice, so that when me and her get intimate I know what to do."

"Whatever dude. First of all, you were holding me way too roughly. Be gentle, you want her to feel treasured, not like a toy." Dave guided John's hands. "Gently hold the lower back and my hand as if to start a dance, but instead this places dominance and you'll be able to hold Rose closely."

John, not expecting Dave to actually know about this kind of thing, does as he's told. "This good?"

"Now try to woo me." Dave instructed.

"You look really sexy in that dress but Rose, you'd look even better out of it." He smiles at "rose". "Might I get you out of it?"

"Try again." Dave stated, unable to believe that that's John's best line. 

John groaned in response. "But I can't think of anything romantic!"

"Say something like- I can't believe that I'm right here, right now, with a beautiful woman like you. I'm so happy that my heart might explode." Dave said noticing he was eye level with John. 'Holy crap, I'm short..' He thought, remembering that he's in heels. "Look deeply into my eyes and repeat." He instructed.

"I can't believe I'm right here, right now, with such a beautiful woman. I'm so happy my heart might explode." He feels a little dumb saying that.

"I know it sounds cheesy John, but believe me, women like that shit." With the hand that they held hands with, Dave slowly brought John's hand to his cheek, a smile smile across his lips. He began to imitate Rose's voice. "John, you're so sweet." He said looking into the other's eyes. "Don't you think it's getting a bit hot in here?" He asked placing his free hand on John's shoulder and trailed his hand down to the others chest.

John nodded. "You're the one making the room hot though, Rosie." he pulled him closer.

Dave, still in character, giggled and moved his arms around John's neck as their bodies were pressed together.  
'Rosie? Really John?' Dave mentally laughed and smirked. 

"The real question is, are you?" He asked as he heard the zipper from the back of his dress undone. "John, I didn't agree for you to undress me." Dave stated, breaking character.

"Come on! I told you I needed practice for the intimate shit!" John groaned again, adding silently "and you're totally hot". Good thing he didn't actually say that last part.

Dave groaned. "Fine.." He said pushing John onto the floor and sat in his lap. "But you can't just undress her, you have to turn her on in the process. I can't believe I'm saying this but- you have to feel her up as you undress her." Dave said reluctantly. 

John nodded, hands coming to caress Dave's face, then slowly inch down. His other hand is working circles into his back, rubbing and massaging comfortably.

Dave blushed, his expression becoming shy and awkward, his hand resting on John's thighs. 

John kissed Dave, not quite chastely, and slowly works it into a deep kiss, hands are still working.

Dave shuddered and slowly began to kiss back. His hands tangled into John's hair, pulling slightly. John gasped into the kiss, his hands traveling a bit lower until one was rubbing and squeezing Dave's ass sensually. Dave flinched and ended the kiss. "O-okay.. I think you got the idea of what to do.." He panted, a huge blush over his face. His body shivered from the other's touch.

John pouted. "But Dave please- I promise nothing will hurt and I'll be good! I just really need to know how to make her feel good and you're the only one who would ever help me! Please?"

"I just know I'm going to regret this later.." Dave murmured. "Fine."

John kissed his jaw. "Thank you! I promise though, you'll feel amazing!" His hands went back to what they were doing, but he didn't kiss Dave, just smiled reassuringly.

Dave panted and his legs began to tremble. His hands traveled up John's shirt and pulled it off.

John paused long enough to help, then went back to rubbing Dave's ass and then sucking on his neck.

Dave whimpered and clung to John, his hands pulling at the other's hair. He heard footsteps coming up the stares. "S-someone's coming.." Dave whispered, silently wishing he had locked the door.

John ignored that, halfway wanting the others to see, and pushed the top of Dave's underwear down so he could start working his ass. He could only imagine what this looked like.

Dave squeaked and covered his mouth as the footsteps came closer. 'Damn it John!' He dug his nails into the other's back as he felt something against ass.

John's fingers were just teasing the hole as the door opened, and he had to force himself not to look up at whoever it was. His dad and Dirk, probably.

Dave was blushing tomato red and looked up for a second before turning away quickly. "Y-you guys don't have to stare you know!"

Dad stood behind Dirk and gave John a thumbs up, out of the Strider's view while Dirk was blushing, unable to look away. Holy fucking shit. Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

John looked up, smirking. "Dad, could you please close the door?"

Mr. Egbert closed the door and lead Dirk back downstairs. 

"You seem flustered." He commented.

"Very..." Dirk said simply. "Do they do that a lot?"

"No, I never knew that either of them were sexually active. Or that they were gay." Dad stated as they sat down at the kitchen table and offered Dirk some coffee.

Dirk nodded. "Well, it just seemed out of place... I could have sworn I heard John talking about a girlfriend in gym. Actually, I know I did. It's strange but..." He shrugs. "I have no issues with any sexuality or arrangement, as long as Dave doesn't get hurt."

"You're welcome." James said taking a sip from his own mug. "I just want the boys to be happy, they've been through so much already."

Dirk nodded. "Oh, and I heard about your wife- I'm very sorry. I'm sure she was wonderful. Did I know her?"

James smiled softly. "Jane, she always knew just what to do or say. It's was as if her and John had met before he was born. Funny, isn't it?"

Dirk nodded, laughing as well. "I think that the mothers always do better jobs than the rest of us." He admitted. 

James chuckled lightly. "I think that they just take note of what we do wrong."

"That is plausible..." Dirk sipped the coffee. "Hey, what kind is this? I'm normally a tea kind a guy, but this is great."

"Brazilian. Though they only sell it at the corner store downtown. But if you ask me it's worth the drive." James said before taking a long sip.

"I'll make you dickerdoodles if you get me this coffee." Dirk said sincerely, with a serious look on his face.

James choked on his coffee. "Dickerdoodles?"

"I also make phallic muffins." Dirk said proudly.

"How lovely." James laughed. "Very well, kind sir. I'll take you up on your offer."

Dirk nodded. "I'll be happy to make business with you. Would you like a contract?"

"No need, I'm fine as it is."

Dirk nodded. "Alright, then that deal is done. Wanna gossip?"

"We haven't since high school." James asked smirking at the other.

"No we haven't, it's been a long time." Dirk chuckled. "Do you remember Roxy Lalonde?"

"Do I, that woman put Russians to shame in drinking contests." James laughed. "How could I possibly forget?"

"I had a kid with her, first year of college." Dirk admitted.

"Did you? I never expected this from you. Though you always did surprise me."

Dirk laughed a bit and rubbed the back of his head. "She refused to let me be a dad to the kid though, she makes Rosie call me "Uncle D". I pay her child support though, so I get to apart of Rose's life."

"I think John said something vaguely about a Rose. Though he rarely tells me anything anymore." James sighed. 

"What would you do if they were dating?" He asked out of curiosity.

"I'd ask what Dave is doing in the middle of it." Dirk chuckled.

James laughed. "That's a good question." He took a sip from his mug. "What does she look like?"

"Surprisingly like Dave. In fact, when he came down in that dress, I did a double take."

"Maybe they're related?" James suggested. "They do have the same last name."

Dirk shrugged. "Maybe."

"We need to get the gang back together. It's been far too long."

"Agreed. I hear even Jake had a kid or two."

"You're kidding. Mr. Can't-put-ring-on-this?" James laughed.

"He got married too, the whole nine yards." Dirk accented his statement with a sip of the coffee.

"Wow, who was the magical person to steal his heart?"

"Some girl he met in Africa."

James nodded and drank his coffee. "I missed so much after high school."

Dirk nodded. "Didn't anything happen here, James?"

"Nothing exciting, mostly moved here because it was peaceful. Well, unless you count John's room everything's normal."

"What about John's room?"

"He... He's scribbled such hateful, terrible things onto his posters... I don't think that he's ever noticed that he's done that."

"What kind of things? Are they about you? The kids at school?"

"They seem to be about himself..." James gripped the mug tightly.

Dirk frowned. "I... I can talk to Dave, ask him to talk to John about it."

"I've asked him before. The only thing John saw were his posters... God.. How the hell am I supposed to help him? He cries in his sleep for gods sake.." James covered his face with his hands. "This all started after Jane died too.."

Dirk pulled him into a hug. "Calm down, we'll figure it out, okay?" James nodded and hugged back tightly. "Everything will work out in the end, and if it doesn't, we'll make it okay." Dirk promised, then, too late, remembered where he remembered the term from. His mom had always said that when she took care of him after his dad did whatever he'd done. 

James rubbed Dirk's back, knowing all too well where that came from. 

"I'm sorry about Jane... She was great. Did you know she taught me how to make the dickerdoodles and phallic muffins? Even after that whole mess with Jake.... She was so great, I wish I could've been there..." Dirk stated. 

"Everything happens for a reason..." James said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i have really bad news. the next chapter is gonna take a while to put up, i have to recopy everything down. ugh.


End file.
